Style Guide for Christian Girls: Modesty
Catholic Modesty CounterRevolution!
T.M. Gaouette
The Bible teaches that people should dress modestly and in moderation. When in comes to women, scripture states:
In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array (1 Timothy 2:9).
However, I’ve always felt that specific rules or principles of modern-day modest dressing are hard to find.
In a 2004 article titled “The Forgotten Virtue: Modesty In Dress,” author Monsignor Charles M. Mangan lays out a basic guide founded upon principles of modesty set by Pope Pius XII in 1957. These values are still valid today and I’ve found them to be very helpful in determining what’s modest and what’s not.
With Mangan’s help, I will offer specific guidelines on dressing modestly.
To dress modestly is to avoid deliberately causing sexual excitement in oneself or one’s neighbor (Mangan).The objective of modesty is to refrain from wearing clothing that causes lustful thoughts, whether intentionally or unintentionally. When dressing modestly, Christian girls should avoid clothes that reveal, enhance or highlight certain body parts.
- Bust: Avoid tight or see-through shirts or tops without appropriate undergarments, and tops with low plunging necklines that reveal a cleavage. If you have a large bust, then you should also stay away from spaghetti straps and strapless designs.
- Thighs: When it comes to skirts, select those that are no shorter than above the knee. Make sure you account for how high the skirt rises when you sit. When it comes to shorts, opt for those that don’t expose too much of the thigh.
- Back: Refrain from wearing backless shirts or dresses that plunge in the back. These styles are designed to look sexy.
- Stomach: Shirts and tops should always cover the stomach.
- Butt: Avoid tight skirts, shorts, dresses and pants that reveal the shape and curve of the buttocks. I also would avoid pants with words printed on the butt, since they are designed to cause the eyes to gaze at that area of your body.
I added “butt” to Mangan’s list because it often causes lustful thoughts in men when highlighted by tight shorts, pants, dresses and skirts.
There usually are no exceptions to the above rules in the case of everyday clothing. When it comes to athletic wear, make sure that your ensemble doesn’t look sexy.
Clothing fulfills three necessary requirements: hygiene, decency and adornment. These are ‘so deeply rooted in nature that they cannot be disregarded or contradicted without provoking hostility and prejudice’ (Mangan quoting Pope Pius XII).In addition to these guidelines, I believe that, in some instances, modesty is subjective. One item of clothing may be immodest on one person, but modest on another. For example, spaghetti straps can look both modest and immodest, depending on the size of the person’s bust. However, modesty in this case can usually be attained by adding a cardigan or light jacket.
Christian girls, think also of this: The more elegant you will be, and the more pleasing, if you dress with simplicity and discreet modesty (Pope Pius XII).When shopping for clothes, always ask why you’re buying something. It’s okay to wear something that’s pretty and presentable. But if you’re purchasing an item because it’ll bring attention to you or attract the opposite sex, then it may be inappropriate.
Style must never be a proximate occasion of sin (Pope Pius XII).Ultimately, I feel that we all need to be responsible for our own modesty. Always try new clothes on–whether at the store or at home–before the event you plan on wearing them to. This way, if they do look immodest, you can purchase additional items to make them modest or exchange them for more appropriate garments.
How Can Men Practice Modesty?
Men, take a seat. We need to take a few minutes to think about what our role is regarding modesty. We’ve come to believe that modesty is a topic concerning only women, and that has led us to forget what modesty is in the first place. Let me start by telling you what modesty is not.
Modesty is not just a decision about what clothes we wear. Modesty is about living our lives in humility for the glory of God and for love of our spouse.
Modesty is not about telling women what they ought to wear to fit our personal standard. Women feel confused and ashamed of their bodies because we falsely tell them they should cover themselves because their bodies are sinful.
Most importantly, modesty is not about telling females to dress modestly so as to avoid making a man lust. Hearing the argument that men can’t control their desires just makes me cringe. It is a beautiful and natural thing to be attracted to a woman, but when you think of her as an object to be conquered, you are lusting. And, like it or not, men, it’s your fault if you lust after a woman. The assaulter doesn’t get to blame the victim, so as a man doesn’t get to blame a woman for his lustful desires. When we lust, God doesn’t tell the woman to change her clothes, He tells us to pluck out our eye (Matt 5:29). Our failure to properly love women has made them feel like they should have nothing to do with us. This is not how we should make women feel. A woman should feel so loved and respected by our own modest service towards them that they would also want to live modestly out of love for us and God.
Women have even begun to despise modesty because men are trying to take control of women’s choices. I unfortunately was one of these men, wrongfully trying to tell a woman she should dress in more “modest” swimwear, and I was making her feel guilty if she didn’t. She wasn’t even dressing immodestly, I just wanted her to know my opinion. Thanks be to God, she spoke out and corrected me as soon as I mentioned it to her, because that is not what a man should do.
What a man should do is learn to live a modest lifestyle himself first, because right now we are doing a pretty poor job. Living modestly is about swallowing our pride and accepting God’s call with a servant’s heart, just as Mary did. So, first, let’s talk about what God’s call is.
God calls all men to love women as Christ loved the Church. And how did he love the Church? He died for her. That is what we are supposed to do for all women, whether they are mothers, daughters, sisters, girlfriends, or wives. God calls all men to protect, defend, uplift, and serve women because women are seriously awesome. After all, God created woman after man because He was saving the best for last. Woman is the pinnacle of creation. Even our sinful society knows that. Jason Evert had me question why our society sells images of women instead of colorful rainbows. Because women are the most beautiful thing in the world, but our society hates women and has destroyed their nature by dominating them. It is time to protect and serve women, and we do this by living a modest lifestyle.
So what does our modesty have to do with responding to God’s call and loving women?
In order to love women like Christ did, we must be modest. That means not boasting about our strength, or how good we are at football, or exercising so we can show off our bodies for the ladies. Live for God and not for the people watching. When Christ healed the blind man, we didn’t hear him say, “Oh man, look at how awesome I am for healing you. I am so great.” No. He did it modestly, not drawing attention to his own glory but the Father’s. “If I glorify myself, my glory is nothing. It is my father who glorifies me” (John 8:54). If the Son of God doesn’t boast, then neither should we. Give glory to God by using your strength and abilities to provide for women. God intentionally created our bodies so we could serve women, not so we could bench press. This is why males were the ones to provide for women in the pre-historic era.
One way we can practice modesty is through our clothing. If we actually put some thought into our clothing, we could send a very strong message. Imagine how loved a lady would feel if you dressed yourself in a way that said “I am saving my body for you and only you.” Actions speak louder than words, so if you truly love somebody, your body will proclaim it.
After I instructed someone to wear modest swimwear, I realized how hypocritical I was being by then taking my shirt off and wanting women to notice my body and glorify me. When I started wearing a shirt when I swam, my body acted as a sign of love toward others. Eventually women had even commented that it made them feel respected. Even other guys took notice. I share this not to be pretentious but to show how powerful a small act of modesty can be. Men can make an impact on this world if we choose to live modestly and stop blaming it all on women. It is a two way street and both men and women must work in cooperation for the dignity of each other and the glory of God. This can only be done when men choose to reflect Christ’s humility towards the Church and when women reflect Mary’s desire to receive and nurture Christ. So long as men remain proud and arrogant, women will never want to receive anything from us, and they will only desire independence from men. Be a man, and serve your women modestly. That’s what Christ did. That’s what you should do.
Men, Pray to Christ that you may have the strength to follow the model he gave us and die for His Church.
Men, protect, defend, uplift, and serve the dignity of women.
How to use the Bible to Pray For Your Future (or Current) Spouse
Praying for my future spouse was one of the keys to my decision to stay pure as a teen. Ultimately, years later we discovered that my decision to dedicate myself to these prayers coincided with the date of the spontaneous conversion of my Husband-To-Be. A few years ago during a speaking engagement, a woman asked how I pray for my husband now. [Insert awkward bumbling shuffle here] It’s great how sometimes the Holy Spirit communicates by calling me out in front of a room full of people.
Thankfully I got back in the saddle along with my Bible and prayer journal. I developed a fail-proof, practical plan for praying Scripture over my husband. Once again, I found that my heart would be set afire! Here are some of the verses from my own journal that may benefit you and you
For (future or current) spouse:
General Petitions
- Purity – Colossians 3:5- Put to death, then, the parts of you that are earthly: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and the greed that is idolatry.
- Healing– Psalm 147:3– He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds.
- Mutual Forgiveness– 1 Peter 4:8– Above all, let your love for one another be intense, because love covers a multitude of sins.
- Protection– Psalm 91:14-15– Because he clings to me I will deliver him; because he knows my name I will set him on high. He will call upon me and I will answer; I will be with him in distress; I will deliver him and give him honor.
- Thanksgiving– Phil 1:3-6- I give thanks to my God at every remembrance of you, praying always with joy in my every prayer for all of you, because of your partnership for the gospel from the first day until now. I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.
- Trust in the Lord– Phil 4:6-7- Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
- Godly Marriage– Tobit 8:7– Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose. Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age. Bless us with children.
Covering Him/Her From Head to Toe
- Mind– Romans 12:2- Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.
- Eyes– Matthew 6:22-23- The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be.
- Mouth- Luke 6:45- A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good, but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil; for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.
- Ears – John 10:27- My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me.
- Heart– Psalm 73:6– Though my flesh and my heart fail, God is the rock of my heart, my portion forever.
- Arms– Genesis 2:24– That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.
- Feet– Psalm 37:31– God’s teaching is in his heart; his steps do not falter
- Ring Finger– Mark 10:9– Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.
'. . . Now, observe, my daughter, the contrast between the
luxurious dress of many women, and the raiment and adornments of Jesus. . .
Tell me: what relation do their fine shoes bear to the spikes in Jesus' Feet?
The rings on their hands to the nails which perforated His? The fashionable
coiffure to the Crown of Thorns? The painted face to That covered with bruises?
Shoulders exposed by the low-cut gown to His, all striped with Blood? Ah, but
there is a marked likeness between these worldly women and the Jews who,
incited by the Devil, scourged Our Lord! At the hour of such a woman's death, I
think Jesus will be heard saying: "Cujus est imago haec et
circumscripto. . . of whom is she the image?" And the reply will be:
"Demonii. . . of the Devil!" Then He will say: "Let her
who has followed the Devil's fashions be handed over to him; and to God, those
who have imitated the modesty of Jesus and Mary."'